For Every Mom. For Everybody.

---

Dear Mom,
-
I've seen you around. I've seen you screaming at your kids in public, I've seen you ignoring them at the playground, I've seen you unshowered and wearing last night's pajama pants at preschool drop-off. I've seen you begging your children, bribing them, threatening them. I've seen you shouting back and forth with your husband, with your mom, with the police officer at the crosswalk.

-

I've seen you running around with your kids, getting dirty and occasionally swearing audibly when you bang a knee. I've seen you sharing a milkshake with a manic 4-year-old. I've seen you wiping your kids' boogers with your bare palm, and then smearing them on the back of your jeans. I've seen you carry your toddler flopped over the crook of your arm while chasing a runaway ball.
-
I've also seen you gritting your teeth while your kid screamed at you for making him practice piano, or soccer, or basket weaving or whatever it was. I've seen you close your eyes and breathe slowly after finding a gallon of milk dumped into your trunk. I've seen you crying into the sink while you desperately scrub crayon off your best designer purse. I've seen you pacing in front of the house.
-
I've seen you at the hospital waiting room. I've seen you at the pharmacy counter. I've seen you looking tired and frightened.
-
I've seen a lot of you, actually.
-
I see you every single day.

-

I don't know if you planned to be a parent or not. If you always knew from your earliest years that you wanted to bring children into the world, to tend to them, or if motherhood was thrust upon you unexpectedly. I don't know if it meets your expectations, or if you spent your first days as a mom terrified that you would never feel what you imagined "motherly love" would feel like for your child. I don't know if you struggled with infertility, or with pregnancy loss, or with a traumatic birth. I don't know if you created your child with your body, or created your family by welcoming your child into it.
-
But I know a lot about you.
-
I know that you didn't get everything that you wanted. I know that you got a wealth of things you never knew you wanted until they were there in front of you. I know that you don't believe that you're doing your best, that you think you can do better. I know you are doing better than you think.
-
I know that when you look at your child, your children, you see yourself. And I know that you don't, that you see a stranger who can't understand why the small details of childhood that were so important to you are a bother to this small person who resembles you.
-
I know that you want to throw a lamp at your teenager's head sometimes. I know you want to toss your 3-year-old out the window once in a while.
-
I know that some nights, once it's finally quiet, you curl up in bed and cry. I know that sometimes, you don't, even though you wanted to.

-

I know that some days are so hard that all you want is for them to end, and then at bedtime your children hug you and kiss you and tell you how much they love you and want to be like you, and you wish the day could last forever.
-
But it never does. The day always ends, and the next day brings new challenges. Fevers, heartbreak, art projects, new friends, new pets, new fights. And every day you do what you need to do.
-
You take care of things, because that's your job. You go to work, or you fill up the crock pot, or you climb into the garden, or strap the baby to your back and pull out the vacuum cleaner.
-
You drop everything you're doing to moderate an argument over whose turn it is to use a specifically colored marker, or to kiss a boo-boo, or to have a conversation about what kind of lipstick Pinocchio's Mommy wears.
-
I know that you have tickle fights in blanket forts, and that you have the words to at least eight different picture books memorized. I've heard that you dance like a wild woman when it's just you and them. That you have no shame about farting or belching in their presence, that you make up goofy songs about peas and potatoes and cheese.
-
I know that an hour past bedtime, you drop what you're doing and trim the fingernail that your 3-year-old insists is keeping her up. I know that you stop cleaning dishes because your kids insist you need to join their tea party. I know you fed your kids PB&J for four days straight when you had the flu. I know that you eat leftover crusts over the sink while your kids watch "Sponge Bob."
-
I know you didn't expect most of this. I know you didn't anticipate loving somebody so intensely, or loathing your post-baby body so much, or being so tired or being the mom you've turned out to be.

-

You thought you had it figured out. Or you were blind and terrified. You hired the perfect nanny. Or you quit your job and learned to assemble flat-packed baby furniture. You get confused by the conflict of feeling like nothing has changed since you were free and unfettered by children, and looking back on the choices you made as though an impostor was wearing your skin.

-

You're not a perfect mom. No matter how you try, no matter what you do. You will never be a perfect mom.

-

And maybe that haunts you. Or maybe you've made peace with it. Or maybe it was never a problem to begin with.

-

No matter how much you do, there is always more. No matter how little you do, when the day is over, your children are still loved. They still smile at you, believing you have magical powers to fix almost anything. No matter what happened at work, or at school, or in playgroup, you have still done everything in your power to ensure that the next morning will dawn and your children will be as happy, healthy, and wise as could possibly be hoped.

-

There's an old Yiddish saying: "There is one perfect child in the world, and every mother has it."

-

Unfortunately, there are no perfect parents. Your kids will grow up determined to be different than you. They will grow up certain that they won't make their kids take piano lessons, or they'll be more lenient, or more strict, or have more kids, or have fewer, or have none at all.

-

No matter how far from perfect you are, you are better than you think.

Someday your kids will be running around like crazy people at synagogue and concuss themselves on a hand rail, and somebody will still walk up to you and tell you what a beautiful family you have. You'll be at the park and your kids will be covered in mud and jam up to the elbows, smearing your car with sugary cement, and a pregnant lady will stop and smile at you wistfully.

-

No matter how many doubts you might have, you never need doubt this one thing: You are not perfect.

-

And that's good. Because really, neither is your child. And that means nobody can care for them the way you can, with the wealth of your understanding and your experience. Nobody knows what your child's squall means, or what their jokes mean, or why they are crying better than you do.

-

And since no mother is perfect, chances are you are caught in a two billion way tie for

Best Mom in the World.

-

Congratulations, Best Mom in the World. You're not perfect.

-

You are as good as anybody can get.

Team Salutes Servicemen & Vets

Veteran at the fireside

Football Team Salutes Servicemen,

Servicewomen and Veterans

-

The BYU football team honored Veterans Day, Friday, Nov. 11, with a patriotic program called "Salute to Servicemen, Servicewomen and Veterans."
-
The program took place in the Smith Fieldhouse and featured patriotic songs as well as addresses by BYU players Matt Reynolds and Romney Fuga, head coach Bronco Mendenhall, and former Cougar and NFL All-Pro tight end Chad Lewis. Several members of the football team also sang a musical number. Assistant coach Joe DuPaix, who previously worked at the U.S. Naval Academy, conducted the special fireside.
-
Reynolds, a preseason All-America offensive tackle, stressed the importance of doing our best, while Fuga, BYU’s starting defensive tackle, told how he came to BYU and talked about service and coming unto Christ. Coach Mendenhall praised our nation’s military and talked about standing for right.

Matt speaking

-
Lewis, now an Assistant Athletics Director at BYU, spoke about his Wounded Warriors experience climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro with four wounded war veterans along other NFL representatives Tedy Bruschi and Jeff Fisher. A 10-minute video featuring the trip experience was shown as part of his comments.
-
During the event the veterans and servicemen and servicewomen in attendance were recognized while hymns of the Air Force, Army, Marines and Navy were played.
-
The event was broadcast nationally on BYUtv.

Bronco speaking; Matt, Romney and Chad sitting at right

Chad speaking

Chad Lewis Climbs Kilimanjaro for Wounded Soldiers

Former BYU football player Chad Lewis loves a challenge. He climbed from a walk-on for the Cougars in Provo to an All-Pro player in the NFL.

-

Chad, center

Lewis made a much steeper climb recently, one he will never forget.
-
"It was an epic adventure," he said -- an adventure made even more special thanks to the company he climbed with: Four wounded warriors from the military -- two who each lost a leg, one who suffered brain trauma and a woman who lost an eye. Their team name: "Hard Target."
-
Their mission was to climb the highest free-standing mountain the world: Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa.
-
Lewis made the trek with former NFL coach Jeff Fisher, former New England Patriots star Tedy Bruschi, and four wounded warriors from the military: two who each lost a leg, one who suffered brain trauma and a woman who lost an eye. "Our slogan was 19K: 19,000 for the KIA, killed in action, for those in Iraq and Afghanistan," Lewis explained. "We felt we had a mission."
-
"There is no yellow brick road to the top of Kilimanjaro," he continued. "It's 19,000 feet, and you have to walk every bit of it."
-
Also along for the trek was former NFL coach Jeff Fisher and former star for the New England Patriots Tedy Bruschi.
-
No amount of football training prepared them for the grueling hike -- especially on summit day.
-
"The lack of oxygen at the top was no joke," Lewis said. "In one 24-hour period we hiked for 19 hours. We hiked up 3,000 feet, we went down 3,000 feet, then went down another 3,000 feet."
-
But on day five, the group of 11 would have to summit without two of their wounded warriors. Michael Wilson, who had suffered a traumatic brain injury, got sick and was taken back to camp. The day before the summit, Ben Lunak -- who lost a leg in battle -- could no longer walk. He was devastated.
-
"When he left, Teddy Bruschi went and talked to him and said, ‘We're going to take your reserve leg to the top of that mountain, and a piece of you is going to go to the top,'" Lewis said. "So he put it in his backpack and we hiked that thing up the mountain."
-
But near the top, Bruschi became exhausted. Like any good football player, he handed it off to his teammate.
-
"I put it in my backpack and said, ‘Let's go, bro,'" Lewis said.
-

Chad, with a wounded soldier's prosthetic leg.  The soldier attempted
the climb, but became exhausted.  Chad carried the leg to the top!

-
So now down to nine, the team slowly made it to the top. It was a victory not only for Lewis; he says it was also a tribute to our nations' military.
-
"We value your lives, we value you losing your leg for our freedom. We're grateful for that," he said. "To hear them say the worst casualty of war is to be forgotten... Their plea to us was, 'Don't forget us. Don't forget what we're doing, don't forget we're fighting for your freedom.'"
-
Lewis issued a challenge to everyone: Thank at least one veteran this Memorial Day weekend.
-
The team's climb was to bring awareness to the Wounded Warriors Project.
-
--KSL

sweet.

the two BEST quotes I heard yesterday:

-

"A mother is not a person to lean on,

but a person to make leaning unnecessary."

~Dorothy Canfield Fisher

-

"A grandmother is a little bit parent,

a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend."

~unknown

---

Hope everyone had a great Mother's Day!

We had an awesome weekend with our family... pix to come ;)

my INCREDIBLE story.

Most of you know our dog Bronx.

This is an unbelievable story of how he died.

And how we brought him back.

-

-

Last Tuesday was my birthday.

It started out like any other day, as any mom understands.

Late-morning, I was watching the national news,

and happened to see a short segment about a black boxer

in Washington state who collapsed during a doggie class.

He was not breathing.  He was dead.

They showed the video, and a trainer who was there gave the dog,

well, kind of doggie-CPR-

he blew into his mouth/nose and pushed his chest-

and the dog woke back up.

---

It was a touching story, but I went on with my day.

Took care of children, got ready, went to work...

After 5, I was driving home and as I came up our street, I saw

Peli, my mom and Bronx walking towards home.

I slowed down and drove along with them.

About 10 yards from our front grass, my mom took off Bronx's leash

and he kept walking toward the grass.

I pulled into the driveway, but saw my brother Matt (who'd

just pulled in to visit) jump out of his car and run toward the dog.

I turned to see Bronx lying flat on the sidewalk, his leg twitching a little.

Something was wrong.

---

Matt and my mom were sitting with Bronx, and not realizing it was serious,

I waited a minute before walking over there.

As I approached, my mom was walking away, crying and saying,

"He's not breathing."

Then I saw Matt.

I hope he doesn't mind my saying so, but

I cannot think of very many images I've seen that have been

as heartbreaking as seeing my brother-

all 6-foot-6, 300 pounds of him,

on his knees, hunched so low his hair was brushing the cement,

sobbing.

---

When I got to Bronx and Matt, I could see that Bronx was... gone.

There was saliva and pee on the sidewalk, his eyes were still and glazed over,

he was not breathing, I couldn't feel a heartbeat...

I felt like I got hit with a two-by-four.

But at that very moment when I'd felt hit with that shock and sadness,

I also felt a gush of clarity and energy and I yelled at Matt to blow air into

Bronx's mouth.  And he did.

I started pushing on Bronx's chest in between Matt's breaths,

and calling Bronx's name.

And... you won't believe it...

after about 20 seconds of this, Bronx started taking short, labored breaths.

And a few seconds later, his eyes blinked.

He was waking up!

Suka and Matt got Bronx into the back of the truck and

we drove to the animal hospital.

By the time we got down there (5 mins), Bronx was looking around,

wagging his tail and trying to stand up.

We carried him into the hospital, but once inside, he was walking around

and looking somewhat normal, but weak.

---

The doctor ran some tests and we learned that it was Bronx's heart.

He's got an irregular heartbeat and will probably not be with us more than

several months... which is terrible news to digest.

But I'm so grateful that he's still around.

I can't believe the way things went down-

I happened to see that news show,

Matt happened to come over right at that moment,

I happened to pull in right at that moment,

and Bronx came back to us.

This was one of those moments- at least for me-

that was truly a little miracle.  And an awesome birthday gift.

We love our Bronx!

consider these...

tough times?

-

A few cool quotes about 'Getting Through Tough Times'

-

~ Tough times never last, but tough people do.

~ Robert H Schuller

-

~ The difference between stumbling

blocks and stepping stones

is how you use them. ~ Unknown

-

~ Never let your head hang down. 

Never give up and sit down and grieve.

Find another way. 

And don't pray when it rains if you

don't pray when the sun shines. ~ Leroy Satchel Page

-

~ I ask not for a lighter burden,

but for broader shoulders. ~ Jewish Proverb

-

~ If you don't like something, change it. 

If you can't change it, change the way

you think about it. ~ Mary Engelbreit

-

~ Prosperity is a great teacher;

adversity is a greater.

Possession pampers the mind;

privation trains and strengthens it. ~ William Hazlitt

-

~ If you aren't in over your head,

how do you know how tall you are? ~ Unknown

-

~ The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish

most. I can better trust those who helped to

relieve the gloom of my dark hours than

those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine

of my prosperity. ~ Ulysses S Grant

-

~ The bravest sight in the world is to see

 a great man struggling against adversity. ~ Seneca

-

~ In times of great stress or adversity,

it's always best to keep busy,

to plow your anger and your energy

into something positive. ~ Lee Iacocca

-

a mother's hug

"A MOTHER'S HUG"
-

A child sits at her window
Watching storm clouds in the sky
Knowing that she’s frightened
Not really knowing why
-
Maybe it’s the thunder
Could be it’s the rain
Maybe it’s the lightning
Mirrored on the window pane
-
But it really doesn’t matter
What fears the day may bring
If you’re safe and snug in a mother’s hug
You can face most anything
-
So soon the smiles of childhood turn
Into teenage frowns
It seems so much of growing up
Consists of falling down
-
And through those painful middle years
I soon would come to know
The pain that seems to hurt the most
Is the kind that doesn’t show
-
But it really doesn’t matter
What fears the day may bring
If you’re safe and snug in a mother’s hug
You can face most anything
-
Now children do get older
But a child they still remain
Childish fears of darkness
Give way to worldly pain
-
Maybe it’s the sadness
When you lose someone you know
Maybe it’s the grief that comes
From reaping what you sow
-
But it really doesn’t matter
What fears the day may bring
If you’re safe and snug in a mother’s hug
You can face most anything
-
Now I still look out those windows
At storm clouds in the sky
At hopes and fears, joys and tears-
Of many years gone by
-
And I thank God for the blessing
Of allowing me to be
The one who gives the comfort
When my children come to me
-
Cause it really doesn’t matter
What fears the day may bring
When you’re safe and snug in a mother’s hug
You can face most anything

COME TO THIS CONCERT!!

It has been a whole year since a dear friend, Big Nox, passed away,

leaving his beautiful wife and six baby girls behind.

I've posted before about his brother Junior- well he has put together

a killer benefit concert for this Friday night at the AF amphitheather (by the

Mount Timpanogos temple).  There'll be awesome music and lots of fun.

It's $10 for adults and $5 for anyone under 12 yrs.

ALL the $$ will go to Abby and the girls.

Please come!

the Boys of Fall

This is part music video, part motivational locker room clips and interviews.

awesome-

"Not in the Provo 150th Ward"

-"Not in the Provo 150th Ward"
--Vai Sikahema, Deseret News
-
As each of my three oldest kids went west to BYU and attended student wards and occasionally visited family in regular wards for a baby blessing or a cousin's missionary farewell throughout Utah Valley or Salt Lake, they would return east somewhat bemused with the differences in LDS culture.

-
One of my sons coined a phrase that is now part of our family parlance. Whenever they'd see or hear something in our New Jersey ward that clearly is unique to our conditions in the mission field, they'd say, "You won't see that in the Provo 150th Ward."
-
Like the kid who was baptized in our ward and as he and his older brother, who performed the baptism, climbed back up the steps, the ward mission leader asked one of them to go back into the font and pull the plug so the water could drain. The newly baptized boy smiled, turned, leaped into the air and did a "cannonball", splashing the first three rows of primary kids.
-
My son Trey, who is currently serving his mission in London, turned to me laughing and said, "You're not gonna see that in the Provo 150th Ward."
-
With so many converts who didn't grow up indoctrinated in LDS protocol, we've become accustomed to seeing and hearing things at church probably not heard or seen in most Orem or Provo wards.
-
An older sweet gentleman offered the benediction in sacrament meeting once and in addition to asking the Lord's blessings upon the bishopric, added, "Finally, please bless Allen Iverson to play great and the 76ers to shut down Kobe and beat L.A. in the big game against the Lakers tonight."
-
At amen, I got "Dad, I'm pretty sure you won't hear that in the Provo 150th Ward."
-
Or the lovely elderly African-American lady who sings her testimony on Fast Sunday and blows kisses to the congregants from the podium and all the way down the aisle as she returns to her seat.
-
"You won't see that in the Provo 150th Ward."
-
This morning, I presided at one of our local units. A wonderful convert family spoke — the parents and the second of their seven children were on the program.
-
The boy gave the best talk I've ever heard from a young man on the "Strength of Youth" pamphlet.
-
The mother talked about obedience. She told of having her ear pierced for each of her seven children and wearing an ear ring representing each child and that each child, sons included, wore the matching ear ring in their own ear. For her, it was a way of connecting with her children.
-
When she learned that President Hinckley asked women to limit ear piercing to one, she initially balked.
-
But eventually, she felt hypocritical asking her children to be obedient when she wasn't following the living prophet. So, she turned her head and showed the ward her ear with six unfilled piercings. Then she gestured towards her sons who no longer wear ear rings.
-
The father is a barrel-chested prison guard, wears a thick goatee and clean shaven head, a rather intimidating-looking man who grew up in Philly.
-
He spoke of how his heart changed towards the Church when he saw Relief Society women bringing food to his home with each of his seven children even though he wasn't a member yet.
-
In addition to quoting Moses 1:39 and President Monson, he also quoted the Rev. Jerry Falwell, Clint Eastwood and finished by reading the lyrics of Bill Wither's "Lean On Me."
-
Somehow, I doubt you'll hear that in the Provo 150th Ward.

children of summer

Children of Summer

With your sticky popsicle smile,

Racing out the slamming screen door,

Splashing, soaring through the sprinkler,

How could I adore you even more?

With your bare feet tickling in the grass,

Cheeks warmed in the sun, bright pink,

Twirling, whirling, dancing in the heat,

How could you change each time I blink?

With your drowsy head upon my shoulder,

Warm smell of your summer dusted hair,

Wet soggy swimsuit dampening my lap,

How could I need you more than air?

rest easy, Real Mothers.

I've been reading a book.

[Don't fall off your chair... I actually love to read,

it just seems like I can't usually find the time!]

-

It's called 'House Rules,'

and it's an amazing read, so far.

Written by the author of 'My Sister's Keeper,'

it's about a single mom of two boys, one of whom has

Asperger's Syndrome (a high-functioning form of autism).

That son is obsessed with forensic science and crime scenes-

which ends up being a problem when he is a suspect in a murder !!

-

Anyway, a page I read a few days ago has been running itself

 over and over in my head since I read it-

like an old record whose needle keeps skipping back to the same exact place.

The funny thing is that this excerpt has almost nothing to do with the actual story-

it just hit me... and stayed with me.  The boys' mom, in the book, writes one of

those Dear Abby-style advice columns in the local newspaper.

This was from one of her columns.

So, TaDa... Read On:

---

I cannot admit this out loud.  In the first place, we are expected to be supermoms these days, instead of admitting that we have flaws.  It is tempting to believe that all mothers wake up feeling fresh every morning, never raise their voices, only cook with organic food, and are equally at ease with the CEO and the PTA.

-

Here's a secret: Those mothers don't exist.  Most of us- even if we'd never confess- are suffering through [the Daily Grind] in the hopes of a glimpse of that magic [secret.]

-

I look very good on paper.  I have a family, and I write a newspaper column.  In real life, I have to pick superglue out of the carpet, rarely remember to defrost for dinner, and plan to have 'Because I said so' engraved on my tombstone.

-

Real mothers wonder why experts who write for 'Parents' and 'Good Housekeeping' seem to have their acts together all the time when they themselves can barely keep their heads above the stormy seas of parenthood.

Real mothers don't just listen with humble embarrassment to the elderly lady who offers unsolicited advice in the checkout line when a child is throwing a tantrum.  We take the child, dump him the lady's cart, and say, "Great.  Maybe you can do a better job."

-

Real mothers know that it's okay to eat cold pizza for breakfast.

-

Real mothers admit it is easier to fail at this job than to succeed.

-

Real mothers know the ratio of Daily Grind to Fun is severely imbalanced.  For every moment your child confides in you, or tells you he loves you, or does something unprompted to protect his brother that you happen to witness, there are many more moments of chaos, error, and self-doubt.

-

Real mothers may not speak the heresy, but they sometimes secretly wish they'd chosen something other than this endless routine.

-

Real mothers worry that other mothers will find that Magic Secret, whereas they'll be looking and looking for ages.

-

Rest easy, Real Mothers.  The very fact that you worry about being a good mom means that you already are one.

I hope you're doing this.

Right now,

Today,

I hope you are doing some of this:

-

...and some of this:

-

and some of this:

-

and maybe even some of this:

-

But mostMostMOST of all,

I really hope you are doing some of this:

-

and this:

-

and ALOT of this:

-

Have a wonderful day!

Children of Summer

Children of Summer

With your sticky popsicle smile

Racing out the slamming screen door

Splashing, soaring through the sprinkler

How could I adore you even more

With your bare feet tickling in the grass

Cheeks warmed in the sun, bright pink,

Twirling, whirling, dancing in the heat,

How could you change each time I blink?

With your drowsy head upon my shoulder,

Warm smell of your summer dusted hair,

Wet soggy swimsuit dampening my lap,

How could I need you more than air?

Amazing Haiti Songs

In case you missed the Hope for Haiti telethon,
Every single performance was AWESOME.
These were my favorites:


Kid Rock, Sheryl Crowe, Keith Urban:
LEAN ON ME

Justin Timberlake, Matt Morris:
HALLELUJAH

Christina Aguilera: LIFT ME UP

Jay-Z, Rihanna, Bono, The Edge: STRANDED

A few others I loved:

Shakira singing I'LL STAND BY YOU

Beyonce singing [Haiti] HALO

80 thoughts

[seen a few other bloggie bloggers do this, and I thought I'd try it.
It was very therapeutic.  My brain now feels empty and my heart, full ;) ]

-Since our lovely visit to the hospital, I've been
thinking about sick kids

-and how I don't know how moms [and dads] of sick kids do it

-and that I don't think I could.

-I believe-slash-hope that when you are actually in a situation,
you are given extra strength to cope,

-but I still don't think I could do it.

-The IV techs poked my baby's EVERY LIMB,
trying to get an IV in

-I wasn't frustrated at them

-(which is weird, if you know me, cuz I get frustrated easily)

-I just kept thinking how I had the toughest baby ever.

-Raini seemed to be more annoyed at their constant pulling and
poking and prodding than hurting by the sticking.

-I was thinking that the hospital should either allow cellphone service
or long-distance calling

-Everyone in my family (including my husband) have Provo-based,
and thus, long-distance, numbers

-I wasn't able to call anyone!

-That's when your brain starts to get creative.

-You start thinking "Should I walk outside in the 11 degree weather
to try to get cell service?"

-"Should I ask the nurse's station how I can make a freaking phone call?"

-"Should I try the 21-year-old calling card number that my dad used
for work back in the day?" 

-That's the option I tried.

-And I was shocked when it worked!

-I thought about how funny it is that inspiration kicks in

-or whatever you wanna call it

-to help point you in certain decisions, or help you make decisions...

-or help you NOT make idiotic ones.

-Then I was wondering- Do people who don't believe in inspiration
or a higher power ever feel grateful that they were pointed in a certain
direction or helped in making a decision (??)

-I've heard of people who really do think that everything in life is
completely random and circumstantial.

-I wonder how many wonderful and beautiful things they miss out
on, not being open to inspiration.

-How much help do they stare in the face and say, "Um, No Thanks."

-without even knowing it.

-I extremely, extraordinarily angry that my Grandma Ruth has had to
go through what she's been through over the last year or so.

-She was the happiest, cheeriest, most devout, faithful woman
I've ever known.

-Even after she lost the love of her life, to whom she'd been married
since age 15 (!!), she never lost faith, never lost that cheer.

-She was the kind of person to whose house you could just show up at
with ten people and say "Hey, Grandma, we just came to see you!"

-and she would welcome you in with open arms and make food & drinks,

-offer her home/tv/games/pool/whatever to you for as long as you wanted.

-She is now somber.

-She is forgetful.

-She is quiet and hesitant.

-She doesn't smile or laugh.

-(She had a high, booming laugh.)

-She didn't recognize me at first the last time I saw her.

-But I think she knew she should know me

-because she tried to hide the fact that she couldn't quite
come up with my name in her mind.

-At times, she's heard voices.  Bad voices.

-And now, she has hurt her hip.

-I have big fat anger about what she is going through.

-If anyone deserves to just slip into the next life without
any pain or problems, it's her.

-Just like if anyone deserved to enjoy their lives together
in love and laughter and with their six baby girlies, it was
Abby and Naki.

-I have big anger about Naki's death too.

-Some days my mind wanders to those girls' high school
graduation or wedding or first baby

-and I just can't deal.

-I just can't get my mind around the fact that He. Is. Gone.

-Why?

-What on the other side was so important that he was needed
more over there than here with his girlz?

-My head knows that that sounds bad,

-but my heart just can't come to terms with that yet.

-I'm glad that my brother Dallas is home.

-I miss him so much when he is gone,

-but I'm so grateful for my relationship with him

-and that we talk/text/email/skype so often.

-He is a gem and

-I love him mucho.

-His baby has the funniest hair ever.

-She's gorgeous and I can't wait to hold her a little.

-or a lot.

-Switching to something random- I can't wait for 24 to start

this Sunday/Monday.

-Jack Bauer rocks my world.

-I like to lose myself in TV a little bit.

-It's my escape.

-I tell myself it's a better escape than alcohol or drugs ;)

-My Peli has been wearing a hilarious Spider Man shirt today.

-It is five sizes too small.

-His belly hangs out the bottom and the sleeves only go to his elbows.

-I know there are moms who are anal about stuff like that-

-making sure their kids look just so, act just so, wear clothes just so...

-I'm no such mom.

-I thought his shirt was hilarious, and it made me smile approximately

47 times throughout the day.

-It reminded me of the movie "Big Daddy" when Adam Sandler

calls the kid Frankenstein- cuz that's the name he wanted.

-I'm glad it's almost the weekend.

-I'm still hearing in my mind this song:

"Pants on the ground, pants on the ground.  Lookin' like a

fool with your pants on the ground."

-I'm wondering how long that song will be in my head.

-However long it is, it's good to know that my dad's emergency
calling card will still be functioning ;)