What NOT to do when you're...

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE…

On a first date-

-show him the closet full of baby clothes you've been

collecting for your future children.

In the shower-

-slip and fall

At your ex’s wedding-

-show up.  In a sexy outfit.

In jail-

-make friends.

Being stalked-

-leave your blinds open.

Stuck in an igloo-

-turn on your blow dryer.

In sewing class-

-make pilgrim clothes.  (Is it just me or is that all we used

to make in sewing class?  Either stuff that looked like pilgrim

clothes or... aprons.)

Asleep in a helium balloon-

-fart.

At a birthday party for twins-

-ask the wrong one out on a date.

-or only bring one gift.

On a nude beach-

-be on a nude beach.

You’re falling in love-

-get pregnant.  haha I have no idea why that was the first

thing in my mind- apparently I've been watching too much

16 and Pregnant.

Low on gasoline in a bad part of town-

-be out of money with no cellphone.

Having a baby-

-think you're gonna be the same person after the baby comes.

-drink beer. (just saw this one.) (although, that used to be something

they'd tell you to do in late-term pregnancy... so I've heard)

On fire-

-keep talking to the hot girl in the Jeep at the gas station (hello Dumb & Dumber)

Lost at the mall-

-call someone who's not there to ask for help.

At a single’s dance-

-go with your fiance.

-or be a wallflower (I've totally done this though)

Driving your significant other's car-

-drop fries or M&Ms down between the seat and the console

(ala Tommy Boy)

Being robbed at gunpoint-

-start laughing.

(I wonder what I'd really do though...)

Kissing-

-three words: Slobbery Fish Lips.

Paying the hotel cashier-

-ask if they take checks.

Buying lingerie-

-are there really any rules for this? I think not.

Commenting on a blog-

-are there any rules for this one either? 

Other than not insulting someone.

I'm Anti-Comment-Insult.

How would YOU answer these??