if shoes could kill.

ahhh, fashion.  i don't often give fashion advice.

but here are some fan-freaking-tastic ideas:

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WHAT TO WEAR WHEN:

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You want to look like you stepped in gum.

Without actually having to step in gum.

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You're attending a black-tie affair, but your toes are hot. 

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You just got a killer pedicure.  Time to show it off, girl!

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You want to mess with your cat.

Or you have rats you don't know what else to do with (??)

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When you're making your get-away and you need the cops

to think your footprints were made by a pony.

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When you want children to run away shrieking in horror.

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When you want to rollerskate in fashion. 

In your wooden Dutch clogs.

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When you just don't have anywhere to put your Gameboy. 

Or your Pikachu.

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When your feet are stinky, and the smell of

toe-jam plus banana-jam would equal YUM.

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When you are feeling short.

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When you miss your toe-dancing days.

Or you'd like foot/toe/ankle surgery.

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When your redneck brothers are out hunting

and they tell you to go run in the grass.

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When your feet can't decide if they are hot or cold,

athletic or beachy,

claustrophobic or vulnerable.

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Duh.  When it's raining.

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Um.  I don't know.  I don't know when you would wear these.

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When you can't find your candy.

Or need a place to keep your candy.

Or never want your candy to be more than an arm's length away. (YAY!)

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And finally... my FAVORITES...

These are very, very special. 

For when you want to feel like

you're walking on the grass.

...Without having to actually walk on the grass.

all photos: ifshoescouldkill.com